Instead of this Thailand update, you very nearly received one from either Myanmar or Cambodia. We looked into stopping over in Myanmar on our way from Nepal, but the additional cost just couldn't be justified, not to mention their horrible human rights record. And while we were in Nepal, we heard from no less than five different travellers that we absolutely HAD to go to Angkor Wat in Cambodia because it's apparently the most beautiful site that we could ever lay our eyes on. We went as far as reserving plane tickets to Siem Reap in Cambodia before coming to our senses and realizing that we were just trying to do too much. A concept we've been struggling with lately. We briefly considered taking a bus there (as the Thai - Cambodia border has only just recently "somewhat" opened), but I have a feeling that we're both allergic to land mines and Khmer Rouge bandits. So, we finally decided that we'd stick with our original plan and experience Thailand. ...Although our original plan was to go north towards Chiang Mai and do some trekking in the hill tribes around the Golden Triangle...but after the perfect experience of the Nepal Himalayas, walking through monsoon, leech-infested Northern Thailand jungles in what has apparently become the epitomy of an over-touristed path, we realized where we REALLY wanted to be: Bali. So we began our trip southward.

But first: Bangkok. As that prolific and highly underrated 80's philosopher, "FALCO" once stated, "One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble..." so I was fully prepared for my lesson in humility. We just didn't realize that the lesson would be yet another tumultuous chapter of traveller's diarrhea. You can never predict "when" or "why" - welcome to our world. In talking with other travellers, Bangkok gets a pretty negative rap. We loved it. In fact, the three cities on this trip so far that continually get the worst comments from other travellers (crime, filth, congestion, touts, etc.), have been three of our favorites: Nairobi, Cairo and now Bangkok. We arrived at maybe the most modern and clean airport we have ever seen, breezed through immigration, immediately picked up our bags and were efficiently whisked away by an inexpensive modern air-conditioned bus though streets resembling downtown Los Angeles or San Francisco. It took us a long time to get tired of picking out all the 7-11's, KFC's, TGIFriday's and Sizzlers along the way. We fantasized about eating ice.

We spent a week in Bangkok during which time we were laboring over where to go next - not the worst thing in the world to have to worry about! The food - if you've been, then you know - is phenomenal. We alternated half of our meals between small hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurants and sidewalk vendors. The former was a great place to try exotic sweet and spicy Thai dishes that we could never hope to pronounce but learned to point at the menu rather effectively, while the latter was a great place to get a big heaping plate of unbelieveable Pad Thai for 20 Bath (fifty cents). Sometimes when things appear to be getting stressful to us, we have to actually remind ourselves that we should be having fun ALL the time...and it's not difficult to do when our biggest problems are "what country do we travel to next," and "do we order the Pad Thai with the medium-sized shrimps for fifty cents or spend an extra dime and upgrade to the giant prawns...?"

Getting back to "Falco," one night we did meet up with some friends we met while trekking in Nepal and decided to check out Patpong Road: the heart (or other unmentionable body part) of the sex & sin aspect of Bangkok. Patpong is basically a touristy outdoor market bordered by an unending stream of sex clubs with touts attempting to lure everybody (male and female) into their lair of sin with preprinted laminated "menus" detailing the freak shows that occur behind the flimsy-curtained doorways. Additional details including "ping pong balls," "chopsticks" and "flying darts" are beyond the scope of these updates, and I think we'll all just breathe a little easier if I move on.

The monsoon hit us hard starting in Bangkok. Actually, the precise moment it hit was at 2:30am one morning when we had come back late from a gloriously air conditioned movie theater then proceeded to leave my wallet in a taxi - cash, Visa, Amex, etc. As we walked the couple miles through the pitch black empty Bangkok streets to the police station, the clouds opened up with horrendous force and added to our misery. When we finally arrived at the station, we looked as if we had just emerged fully clothed from a swimming pool. Although, we both admit the experience was worth it if just to see the Iranian tourist hippee guy who had been arrested and brought to the station at the same time screaming and cursing in Iranian, Thai, Japanese AND English. A talented loser, but very entertaining. (We fear other tourists more than the locals wherever we go on this trip.) We didn't mind the monsoon that much because we just missed the waist-high water in the streets the week before we arrived. Our last day there however, the sheer power of the rain forced us to buy an umbrella. I mention this because my wife is the ONLY person on the face of this planet who can haggle with a sidewalk umbrella seller IN the rain, DURING the monsoon, IN a foreign country, NOT speaking the language...AND get them to come down on the price. Kudos to me for marrying her.

>From Bangkok we took a train all the way south to the self-appointed, "Cleanest City in Thailand:" Trang. I kind of feel I should mention something about our Thailand train experience because so much in these updates we sensationalize the living hell of 3rd world travel. This train, in a welcome change, was absolutely fantastic. Beautiful terminal in Bangkok, no lines, air conditioned rooms, clean, cheap, Dairy Queen indoors gently calling to us...and the ride was just too perfect. Smooth and quiet, comfortable and fun. I know that this isn't as fun as reading about 17 hour, jam-packed, human/chicken/fish/other assorted passengers all seemingly hanging-by-a-thread bus rides, but at this point in our trip it's a nice change. The conductor guy even tucked us in!

Trang isn't exactly a "hot" tourist destination in Thailand, but that's probably why we liked it. Just a normal Thai city where we could see people going about their daily business, eat great inexpensive food in sidewalk restaurants and dodge Tuk-Tuks (a weird golf-cart kind of SE Asian rickshaw taxi) with the rest of the jaywalking locals. From Trang we immediately took a small boat out to the island of Koh Ngai ("Ko-Hai") off the southwest coast of Thailand. The beauty of this area is so incredibly picturesque: lush-green, sheer-cliffed tiny islands in literally every direction on the ocean as far as the eye can see. Koh Ngai is about an hour off the mainland, and we soon found ourseves perched on a white sand beach resort for a fiercely-negotiated $8 a night. Kudos to the manager for haggling with us so fiercely since we were literally the ONLY people staying in their 60-room resort during this monsoon season. Perhaps she and Paige were separated at birth? We did enjoy the great swimming/lounging-around possibilities, and even the constant and relentless pounding of the rain absolutely dumping down in inpenatrable sheets of water was nice in its own way...but after 3 days of this we had had enough. Back to Trang.

This time, we continued further south on our quest towards Malaysia (and ultimately Bali...), stopping at the large interesting town of Hat Yai: the self-proclaimed "sin city" for weekending Malaysian non-Muslims (or "48-hour-Muslims-in-hiding"), since it is fairly close to the border. We really enjoyed exploring this city - every street is lined with sidewalk vendors selling everything from wild exotic giant spiny fruits (Durian), whole dried flattened squids, and car parts. Very interesting stuff. It's all in the merchandising.

One day we found an "Ancient Hat Yai Massage" and decided that it was exactly what we needed. I mean besides the whole dried flattened squids. After we established that this was a legitimate massage and not some weird ping pong ball sex show, we paid the 200 bath ($6) and were escorted to a remote room together. We laid down on two separate beds and two small Thai ladies came in, fully prepared for the next 2 hours, flexing their small but powerful muscles in baited anticipation. I knew we were in over our heads the second my girl literally jumped up on my back and began driving her knees and elbows deep into my flesh and bones. For two agonizing hours we were mercilessly pounded into complete submission, occasionally mustering up enough strength to let out a brief moan or wail before the next wave of pounding began. At one point I looked over at Paige and her girl - easily a foot shorter and half the size of Paige - was lying on the mat with her feet up in the air, balancing Paige up by the small of her back and kicking her repeatedly. I intended to help, but right then my masseuse put a freaky Asian wrestling hold on me incorporating her stocky legs and my vertebrate, and I was immediately rendered helpless.

Revisiting this episode has left me drained. Maybe even a little frightened. I'll pass this off to Paige...

Real quick note about the Ancient Chinese massage before I begin. I didn't know if my masseuse was angry with me because a) she didn't get to be the one massaging Chris, or b) because I forgot to shave my legs that week. Either way, the results were the same. I have never felt pain like that before.

We so often write about the exotic countries we visit, the villages, the local people, the temples we visited, etc. The play by play of going to A, then to B. But we also have been so many places on our inward journey. Oh no, she's getting deep, you say. We do get lots of email notes asking us about random things like, "what do they sell in the local grocery stores?" (pretty much everywhere but Africa had most of the normal supplies we have at home - give or take a few animal by-products such as Spam), "have you cut your hair?" (yes, we cut each other's hair....a sure way to end a marriage if you haven't already killed your traveling partner haggling over the right price to pay a rickshaw driver), "do you and Chris get tired of each other?" (very rarely, except during the aforementioned times when I have cut Chris' hair. Yes, it actually looks pretty decent considering I have no formal training, but Chris has made it VERY clear that the words, "Oh shit..." have no constructive place in the world of hair-cutting).

When we arrived in Bangkok, we instantly hit this strange wall. A wall of not wanting to be a tourist. Not wanting to visit every temple (really, they are called "wats" in Thailand and they are majestically guilded in a shiny gold paint, and the steeples on both ends of the roof-tops are a pointy tip like the quill of a pen or half of a feather). Thailand has so much to offer in the way of these wats, and floating markets, and jungle cruises. But we weren't in the mood to take up its offer. Maybe this had something to do with the rapid stimulae flowing into our brains at an overwhelmingly quick pace which was so radically different than the snail pace of life in the Gurung villages in the Annapurnas (Nepal)....Maybe it was culture shock because we didn't cross borders slowly by bus or train. Our minds had no time to adjust to a very modern soceity. Thailand must be very close to being 1st world. Culture shock began the minute we boarded our Thai Airlines flight, we soaked up the luxury and incredible service like Charlie when he first arrived inside Willie Wonka's chocolate factory in the room with flowing chocolate river and lolly-pop trees (Thai Airlines is hands-down the best airline we've ever flown - and we were only in coach/economy class!). Nepal was such a fantastic experience, and being in the clean, fresh, cool air of the Himalayas was such a radical difference to hot, humid, and congested Bangkok. Granted, Thailand does have incredibly beautiful modern highways, air-conditioned airport buses, and clean delicious food. So our journey became less about the place and more about soaking up 1st world comforts. Can you tell we miss home? I don't have much to add onto Chris' comments because we only spent 2 weeks in Thailand. I definitely want to return one day because there are gorgeous beaches and beautiful national parks. How can you complain when you look out the window of the bus and see an elephant munching on his dinner in the jungle?

Until next time,

Yak Yogurt & Chhang